Survival
by Stargazer79
Summary: The Guys get in trouble again. Can they survive?


The Guys are all rushing around Guy mansion preparing for yet another trip.

Iolaus: Has anyone seen my earring?

Meg: Oh, yeah. I shoved it down the vent this morning.

Iolaus: What?! Why?!

Meg shrugs.

Iolaus: I need my earring!

Autolycus: You have plenty of other earrings.

Iolaus: I want that one!

Iolaus gets shoved out the door without his earring. Jason, Lao Ma, and Balder are patiently waiting to go. Thor is impatiently waiting beside them.

Jett is trying to shove Joxer into his suitcase.

Joxer: Jett, stop!

Jett: No, shut up!

Joxer: Well, atleast you're packing me to bring along.

Jett: Bring along? Nah, I was gonna throw you out.

Joxer: Hey!

Eventually all the Guys, whether they are in each other's suitcases or not, are being driven toward the ocean. Cooper and Shawna manage to get them there without too many deaths. Soon the Guys are on a big ship headed out to sea.

Aphrodite: Why are we doing this anyway?

Loki: I dunno. Vacation or something.

Aphrodite looks around at the old, moldy, rotting ship they are on.

Aphrodite: Doesn't look very vacationish to me.

Loki: That is very not a word.

Aphrodite: That is very not a way to talk!

Loki: Shut up you, and leave me in peace!

Trance: What would happen if I fell overboard?

Jace: You would drown.

Trance: What if I can swim?

Jace: Hmm... you would drown anyway.

Trance: Why?

Jace: That's just the way it works. Believe me, I know.

Trance: Oh.

Ares: There's nothing fun to do on this boring ship.

Janice: Why don't you make something fun happen then?

Ares looks around, then zaps Borias with a spell, who is standing with Lara.

Borias: Lara, I have to tell you something.

Lara: What is it, my lovums?

Borias: I think you're the ugliest, fattest, stupidest woman in the world, and that you stink and I really feel like throwing you overboard right now.

Lara stares at him for a moment, then hugs and kisses him.

Lara: You're so sweet and romantic!

Ares facepalms.

Ares: Nothing ever goes my way anymore.

Strife: I know something that will cheer you up, Unc. Just sit back and watch the show.

Ares: Uh oh.

Strife climbs up to the highest part of the ship so everyone can see him.

Strife: Release the Executioner!

Sunny drags the Executioner's box out into the center of the ship. She is about to unlock it when Iolaus II runs over and tries to hold the lock in place.

Iolaus II: Don't! She'll kill us all, especially me!

Sunny: Get lost!

Sunny and Iolaus II fight for possession of the box.

Sunny: Peanut, help me!

Jett runs over to help.

Iolaus II: Aah! Hope, I need you!

Hope runs over.

Jett: Joxer, Jace, get your wimpling butts over here!

Joxer and Jace try to help but don't contribute much.

Hope: Dad!

Joxer: Xena!

Dahak: Mephistopheles!

Xena: Gabrielle!

Gabrielle: Wait! We're fighting for the wrong side!

Mephistopheles: So are we!

The fighting stops for a second so the good people can switch to the keep it closed side and the bad people can switch to the open it side. Then the fighting resumes.

Ares is still sitting there with Janice, watching.

Ares: Aww, how cute! A mini-war! I had my doubts, but Strife was right. This is cheering me up.

The two sides are equally matched for a while. Then Hercules gets involved and accidentally breaks the lock off of the box. The evil side cheers as the Executioner spins out of the box on a path of destruction.

Jarem (pointing): She's headed for the steering wheel!

Jarem gets trampled as the good people rush after her. Jason is steering while frantically trying to avoid getting his head cut off.

Jason: Aaaah! Get it away!

The Executioner chops up the steering wheel in Jason's hands. Callisto starts laughing at him.

Callisto: You know, I'd really enjoy it if you got your head cut off!

Jason (ducking): This isn't for your entertainment, Callisto!

Ares: He's right. It's my entertainment, so get out of the way.

Ares shoves Callisto aside so he can watch Jason run for his life.

Mattie: Doesn't it bother anyone that we can't steer anymore?

Balder: We're also headed straight for some sharp rocks, there are no lifeboats, and there's a storm on the way, but let's focus on our immediate problem. Someone has to stop that thing!

Balder hits the floor as Jason leads the Executioner by. Mattie joins him.

Mattie: How!?

The Executioner follows Jason, who appears to be the main target for the day, until Lara the wonder woman steps into her path.

Lara: Woah there, girlfriend. Let's stop trying to kill people now.

The Executioner reluctantly lowers her axe.

Autolycus (pointing): Uh, the rocks!

Tataka inspects where the steering wheel used to be.

Tataka: No use. We're gonna crash.

The Furies giggle. As the approaching storm threatens to push them into the rocks faster, Ares turns a glare on Strife that nearly summons Death.

Ares: I blame you for this.


End file.
